Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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