i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
