I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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