We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
