oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
