I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
