I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
