I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
