so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
