Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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