No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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