walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
