I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
