the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
