They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
