Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
