Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
