My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He kissed a someone with a penis
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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