You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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