I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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