i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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