I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
