Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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