Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
