sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
