my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
