dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
