Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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