Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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