My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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