He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
