My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Let the clothes fall where they may.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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