so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
