you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
