so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
