just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
