Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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