She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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