She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
