I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
