i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
