Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
