Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
