I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
