We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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