I love black thongs
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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