I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we're making bets on your personal life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
