he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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