So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
