I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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